I have to totally agree with NoOneOfConsequence's experiance. I too lived this as fiercely as I knew how. In the end I had a mental breakdown, misery overtook me and now six months later I am treated as though I never existed am am trying to pick up the pieces everyday I spend without the love of the woman I pledged my future too. In the 's when No-Fault divorce became the norm all the womans groups screamed that men would love'm and leave'm just as fast as they turned 30 years old. All too often they do exactly what was posted above "- and I was betrayed, my children were betrayed.
Guard your hearts men. Not your wifes. I don't even know what to say, my 20 year anniversary is next year and all I know is I'm not happy and I don't think my husband even cares. When I see comments like.. A marriage is 50 50 I feel sick! Things are rarely equally and you must be willing to step up when your partner is down. Whe I had cancer there was no way I could pull my "50"!
When he is away I pull plus taking care of kids and home. It is all give and take but when you learn to give more than take you and your marriage will truly be blessed. Stop keeping score. This was beautifully written and on point. I was married for three years to a man who witheld sex, affection and attention. No matter how hard I worked to make us a home, remain in good shape, etc.
He wasn't like this pre-marriage there were signs of depression , but changed dramatically after we got married.
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It may have been due to our being too young, I don't know. I spent the next decade mostly celibate, working on me, making sure I'd never end up with someone who expects his partner to take care of everything and be responsible for his happiness. I'm writing here to address the men who've replied that women too need to make an effort.
I agree! Every man I ever dated pre-marriage and even my ex-husband stated that I always made them feel special and loved, that I was the "perfect" wife had he wanted to be married. There are many women out there like me who are well-travelled, have many diverse interests, work full-time, maintain their bodies and spirits, keep a spotless home and cook fabulous meals, like to play sports, be outdoors, get dirty etc.
Where's the issue? I'm direct though and don't pull any punches, won't tolerate games or BS. Im extremely intuitive and know when something is off. I genuinely want to work on and to know how to make the relationship better.
I've never been called a bitch; I don't nag; I'm authentic and expect the same, which it seems many men cannot handle. I'm not perfect by any means, but I'm tired of hearing how wonderful I am and want to know where the good men are. I have such a hard time meeting men of quality who are ready for what I have to offer and now that I'm in my early 40s though told I look early 30s , the men are few and far between who aren't severely jaded because of their previous experiences with women.
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I don't mind being single if it means staying out of bad relationships, but I would love to find an equal partner to share my life and bed with. I have several amazing girlfriends across the globe who have the same problem I'm not a unicorn-we do exist. I've been on dating sites and curious, found many women like me are out there. So where are the men with similar desires looking for us?
To those men who have been burned: there are women who have been as well. You have to be willing to be vulnerable and push through your fears of rejection.
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You just might find the relationship of your dreams. I wish my ex husband had read this 2 years ago he awoke and decided after 26 years that he no longer wished to be with me was not sure what love was anymore and if indeed he felt that way about me. So me he left me and my children. In 26 years it is sad to say that he never went out with me, never took me out he never wanted to go with me to friends evenings out I always went on my own and he was not interested in me meeting his friends I lived the single life for nearly all of my married life.
I will be honest I am a loving and giving person and always made him feel like he was special but never received anything in return! All I ever wanted him to do was to fight for us as a couple instead of just getting up and walking away without trying. Considering he left because he did not feel happy it is a shame that he is now even uhappier.
I hope that men read this page and women to be honest and take heed 26 years as a long time to just give up but any time in a marriage you should always try to work it out before too late. It is a grieving that leaves scars, but one cannot be bitter or vindictive in life you have to get past it and move on and who knows would I marry again I said before absolutely not but who knows what the future holds and my new partner has made me realise that everything is a possibility.
The problem is marriage is a dying institution because most women don't really buy into it themselves. They may say they do, but feminism has all but killed marriage and our old views of Romantic love. Marriage is an institution that is now legally designed to enrich divorced women and leave men destitute. More than likely they will also lose their children while their ex's move in new freeloading "boyfriends" into homes they worked for to live with children they only get to see every other week.
Wow, sounds like something really worth signing up for. It would be cheaper to see a hooker once a week.follow
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At least she will be honest about what it is going to cost to get screwed. This article is beautiful. If I met a man who was able to bring all of these traits to the relationship, he could have me for forever. There are a lot of commenters and I'm sure even more readers who are completely missing the point the author is trying to make.
However, I can definitely empathize with these men in the sense that they feel they have been repeatedly burned in romantic relationships. It would be nice to also have a just as well written female version of this article For both male and female readers who would like to look inside themselves to see how they can better contribute to their romantic relationships.
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Conversely, we do not have control over other people. This last sentence is very controversial and we all probably carry a flawed view that we have some level of control over certain others, however, I think that is better described as "influence" not control. I digress Anyway, there are two ways I commonly see people go wrong, and in turn, completely ignore the beauty and the meaning behind well written and well intended articles like these.
They could be with a completely self aware, emotionally intelligent, healthy person, or they could be with the opposite. It doesn't matter in this case because, your relationship is doomed by the lack of your actions. What matters is that you look inside yourself to make sure you can give to a relationship in a way that your partner wants to be shown love Not in a way that you want to be shown love.
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Men and women alike are both guilty of these misunderstandings and miscommunications. The point being, you take responsibility for you and in a healthy relationship with long lasting potential, your partner will do the same. Finally, if all guys who read this article from a jaded and cynical perspective, decided to have this type of relationship with a psychologically healthy, self aware, and emotionally intelligent woman, I guarantee you, you would have the happiest of marriages and relationships.
Finding her would be tricky, just as it is for women finding men like this, but if you have this expectation, she will come. Just make sure to nix your previous negative view of woman. And ps. Go into your next relationship making the best effort to maintain the mentality that no matter what the outcome of this potential relationship is, "I will be ok". Great article - you've nailed it! I'm a woman, married for 26 years and I love my husband. That being said I feel like it's one-sided. I think I've done so much for him over the years he now takes me for granted.